‘Did you hear, Tim died.’

Oh no, was it serious?

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Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn’t have blankets.

Sorry lady in seat 21B


In order for us to go on vacation we need to start by unpacking from our last vacation.


The recent fake excitement of soccer in the U.S. confirms my belief that Americans will pretend to like anything they can scream USA about.


after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host


My goal was to lose 10 pounds this year…

~Only 15 more to go!!


“Thank you for coming.”
“It was mandatory.”


My cat just brought me my purse and car keys not sure what he’s trying to tell me.


I packed 5 oranges in 5 different lunches today and all five oranges came back home. Apparently, I send fruit on field trips.