*The First Ever Rodeo
“…Does anyone know what we’re supposed to do?”
Did you know that ants are free? You can just take one!
You Might Also Like
friend: how’d you get all that money?
me: i made a deal with the devil
the devil: $30k for the car, final offer
me: ok deal
Not to brag but I can forget what I’m doing as I’m doing it
[stirring sparkling water with a hot dog] I wouldn’t say the lottery win changed me
This is your captain speaking. Would someone who knows how to be a pilot please come up? I’m literally just pressing buttons.
*Frantically typing on google*
‘How to do CPR’
*Opens video, 30 second ad pops up*
[To dying person]
Ok just hold on a sec
[shopping with my wife]
Wife: why does a refrigerator need WiFi?
Me: so it can Netflix and Chill : )
Wife: excuse me Sir, does this have a return policy?
Employee: the fridge?
Wife: my husband.
My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days.
if you don’t respond to my email when i am alive don’t expect me to reply to your ouija board questions when i am dead.
Curiosity doesn’t kill anything, stupidity does.