@runawaycupcake: Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests.

@notalogin: God never gives you more than you can handle. But I'm not God. I'm just a bag boy. And you'll wanna take these groceries out in the cart.

@PinkCamoTO: Mantra at the gym: When the zombies come, cardio will matter.

@tastefactory: *firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually

@zachreinert03: Fear is not the same is respect. For instance I fear bears but integrity wise they are huge pieces of shit