@T_Bonezzz_: Did you know that it takes 0 facial muscles to give you the finger
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@ArfMeasures: Wife: The kids made you these cakes for Father's Day! What do you think of them? Me: They're awful. But at least they made me these cakes
@Playing_Dad: *Clark Kent leaves his glasses on the coffeemaker at work* Lois: Anyone see the coffeemaker? You, with the glasses...seen the coffeemaker?
@just1fool: After years of failure, the "scientist" that had been trying to create a fake urine nearly went mad after he drank his first Miller Lite.