@badbanana
Between Man of Steel, This Is The End, and Pacific Rim, I’ve seen around 5 billion people die this summer. A personal best.
@junejuly12
Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song
You Might Also Like
@badbanana
@Kalarlis
sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i’m not a real cop but no one told me i’m pretty today
@bridger_w
When arguing, I let the other person speak first, then help them see my point by starting with, “Now, what I’m about to say is correct”
@MarkBuckawicki
Fortunately, I’m just tall enough to see out of these 2 holes in my face
@schlimp
*steals machine parts all year*
*gets coal for xmas*
“Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber”
*turns coal into diamond*
@Shen_the_Bird
me: [typing] donkey kong
fbi agent watching my screen: don’t do it
me: donkey kong no tie
fbi agent: god damnit-[into radio] take him down
@DaddyJew
11: I will avenge your death
Me: nobody’s killed me
11: well when someone does
@80sjams
“And I want video games and new shoes and….”
Satan: Goddamnit you have the wrong number!!
@jakob_huber
Jealous that secret agents can get out of any phone conversation at any time by saying “it’s not safe to talk on the phone right now”
@Reverend_Scott
this is proof that if we all work together we can do anything
