@BigPlanetEarth

Did you know your amazing human body actually drink lava!?!

Only once though…..

You Might Also Like

@msdanifernandez

My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.

@VisionBored1

Me: my kids are obsessed with juice lately

Friend: mine too we got a really nice juicer so they can have healthy organic juice when they want it

Me, sticking a straw in a Capri Sun: cool

@BasicLyes

Impractical Joke: Replace my girlfriends house cat’s with mountain lions so she think’s she is shrinking.

@2tickytacky

“You’ve lost some weight.” sounds suspiciously like “You were a disgusting fatso before, but I was too nice to say so.”.

@HatfieldAnne

Mother of God, the man solved unsolvable crimes for eight straight seasons. When he says he has a hunch, believe him the first time.

@Nikkeya08

My husband just got to level three on netflix: “faking an illness” to finish binge watching

I’m on level 6: “faking your own abduction”

@raniao2011

When I wake up at night,
I reach out to you,
I love you not for what you look like
I love you for what you have inside.

(Me to my fridge)

@bourgeoisalien

I stop strangers from talking by smelling their hair & saying,”You smell like Pa. Pa loved his wood chipper. Never did find them drifters.”

@TommyKarate

Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I’m stuck in my restroom forever.