*dipping a pine cone in my coffee* Gosh I just love fall

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Not sure who graded these eggs as Extra-Large, but I’m guessing it was a guy.


I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”


who called it an infinity scarf instead of a scaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection.


If you’re doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government’s been hiding.


Uh oh, happy facebook newlywed, your husband just created a twitter account.


if you can’t handle me at my worst is there another preferably more affordable therapist you can refer me to


Big props to the guy who realized we don’t need to mention air in the word airplane and started saying plane.