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@LuvPug: Distance doesn't matter.
You can make someone miserable from anywhere.
@FU_TangClan: Me: Man I'm never going to find the one
Friend: You will, dude
Me: [browsing Netflix] There's just too many options
@KentWGraham: I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I’m now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates’ pants.
@Home_Halfway: Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship"
*me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.
@NotKarma: My stages of drunk:
1) "Everybody, watch this!"