We should let prisoners take their own mug shots…I shall call it “The cellfie”
ME: …and that’s why I am seeking full custody
JUDGE: Again, this court does not decide custody of the “Netflix password”
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Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip.
Dream inside a dream
Inn inside an inn
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
– email from your gran
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that’s over with.
If a spoon doesn’t stand up straight in a cup of coffee you’re not brewing it right.
I’ve never used survival skills while lost on a hike in the woods, but once I ate 3 Snicker’s Bars trying to find my way out of a Walmart.
I think it’s obvious that all across America trees are scooping up cats so that they can meet good looking firefighters
t-rex: aaargh I cant feel my legs
Interviewer: we’re looking for someone responsible
Me: perfect, I was responsible for everything that went wrong at my last job
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late