actually im ok with this
“Do me a solid” just sounds like you’re asking someone to poop for you and that’s kinda gross.
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Morning meeting about improving communication cancelled because not everyone knew about it.
I wish I could make this up.
For sale: chocolate aeroplane, mint condition.
COP: pull over
ME: no it’s a cardigan
My latest missile blew up on the launch pad.
But it exploded so fast Americav couldn’t tell what type it was.
I’m not telling.
Guys named Hugh are 75% ugh
[dark movie theater]
me: *opens soda can*
me: *opens then starts loudly crunching corn nuts*
me: *pulls out cast iron with sizzling fajitas*
Duckling means “little duck”.
As a result, I no longer eat dumplings.
My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.
Texting wasn’t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.