@thicclavabae: 'Do muslims have sex?' no Susan I was delivered into this world by amazon prime.
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@Browtweaten: Centaur: *trips and falls* I broke my arm Doctor: It's okay, I can fix it Centaur: Oh God I broke my leg too Doctor: *cocks rifle*
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@This_is_a_dm: So this one time I was really upset and crying and this kid was like, “are you upset about your nose?” and I’ve never been so thoroughly owned by a child
@shutupmikeginn: [my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys