Welcome to my home. There are 43 night lights just in case you’d like to wander the house at 3am.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SURGICALLY CHANGE YOUR SON’S BONES TO STEEL LIKE WOLVERINE. THERE WILL BE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
You Might Also Like
horse: [falls in water] haha whoops
seahorse: You are outside of your domain.
horse: no see haha it was an accident, i fell-
seahorse: The ancient pact has been violated. The invasion begins.
horse: wait wha-
seahorses [swarming]: THE PACT HAS BEEN VIOLATED THE PACT HAS BEEN VIOL
If I ever really want my kids’ attention I can just make a YouTube video of me “unboxing” whatever I need to say.
Sex is like pizza. Turtles are having it in the sewers.
I tried playing hide-n-seek with my friends newborn and now I’m not allowed back inside that hospital 🙁
“I really regret not taking up bow hunting” I think as my neighbor fires up his chainsaw at first light.
LEAD ARCHAEOLOGIST: Okay, the bones are fragile, so we want to brush very gently and remember not to, say, put them in our mouths or anything.
DOG ARCHAEOLOGIST: I can tell you’re talking about me and that’s offensive.
Adults with big round heads have kids with big round heads so for god sakes please try to date outside your head shape.
If watermelon exist why doesn’t earthmelon,firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that’s why girls call me Frankenstein.