This ebola scare is getting out of hand I just threw ebola at someone who said good morning to me before I had my coffee
“DO NOT TOUCH” must be the most terrifying thing to read in braille
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*thousands of people turn around*
Guy who invented names: I HAVE to fix this.
North and South
I think the bigger issue with our country is that Paula Deen even had that many endorsements to lose in the 1st place.
I have a bad feeling I’ll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase “calm down.”
Nothing’s sadder than the look on my dog’s face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.
I’m sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous
*jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*
Overheard at the pool:
Grandma: what do you want the baby to be? a brother or sister?
3 year old: a cat
I walked briskly to the nearest safe haven as I was being chased by the hood on my jacket.