@HousewifeOfHell: Do people who talk on their phones while driving know you can use driving as an excuse to avoid talking on the phone?
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@LittleMissAngr1: Me: *dripping in sweat and covered in scratches* You should see the other guy! [Camera pans slowly to sports bra crumpled on the floor]
@wendchymes: Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there's no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!
@Cheeseboy22: Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.