Do they make a scale that says things like “Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?”

You Might Also Like


My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I’m disgusted.

What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?


Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, “IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE” he fumes


As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son’s love, I sometimes think to myself, “This may be the worst prize ever.”


By the age of 20 you should have

1. $10 in your account

2. a bad relationship story

3. a knee pain

4. anxiety

5. back pain


*walks up to cashier with paper towels*

Are these the largest tampons you have?


*Welds all night without incident..
*Burns self getting a pizza out of the oven..


You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.


Dr: your father is real sick
Woman: [sobbing] how long?
[her dad wheelies past on a bmx]
Dr: almost six yards that time