ok here’s the deal. Yes it was dumb of NASA to ask Sally Ride if she needed 100 tampons for a 7-day mission, but I would have said “Actually I need 250” because that’s free tampons from the government, babbbbyyy.
“Do what you love & the money will follow.”
Ate some pizza, harassed a telemarketer, & took a 6 hr nap in my underwear.
And now, I wait…
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I told my kids I’d rather they “pull the plug” than let me live in a vegetative state dependent on machines.
So they hid my phone charger.
Him: Do you like magic?
Her: I LOVE MAGIC
Him: klatu barada nikto!
[Woman’s dead grandpa emerges from the ground]
Him: Oh, so you meant you like illusions.
So apparently ‘Sexual Prime’ isn’t one of the Autobots.
I know this now.
Just convinced my Mom she won’t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn’t see Teen Wolf first. Please play along.
Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
People get out of the way much faster now.
The scientifically proven most effective way of cooling off your fighter in between rounds. #PFLPlayoffs
Wife [knocking on bathroom door]: hurry up, we’re meeting my parents in 10 minutes
Me [stepping into bath holding a toaster]: almost ready
Damn girl, are you my cable remote? Because you are weirdly designed and very confusing, and does this row of buttons even do anything?