Today, I went to the bathroom without my phone… there are 107 tiles on my floor
“Do you believe in past lives?”
I don’t even believe in the life I’m currently living.
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him: let’s go check out the beds 😉
me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?
My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
guy: hey that’s a great truck. what kinda engine?
me: [rubbing the hood] it’s got a truck engine
My husband suffers in silence louder than any person I know
I turn hot dog water into ice cubes for house guests I don’t like
*eats pizza out of box in bed
*wakes up next to leftover pizza
Voila! Breakfast in bed!
But I’m the good kind of abomination, right???
H: I think we should see other people.
Me: Do I have to? I don’t even really want to see you.