Being a worm must great. Its like “wow that dirt was great I hope there’s more” and there always is
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ME: *cracking open a 6-pack*
FRIEND: Is that… pudding?
Starbucks job interview:
“What’s your name?”
“Spell that please”
“L A R I S S A”
“When can you start?”
Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)
It’s only been a few days, but I’m starting to forget everything I knew about Mitch Romley.
Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight?
Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6
7yo (thinking): 30
Facebook 2007: are you a teenager who wants to find out if your crush is single?
Facebook 2017: are you an aunt who wants revenge
Will I be able to follow Children of the Corn if I didn’t see the prequels, Babies of the Corn and Toddlers of the Corn?
What’s it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?
Wishful thinking. Obviously
It’s an epidemic…