@David_Bressan

.. do you even science?

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@DillDoes

Being a worm must great. Its like “wow that dirt was great I hope there’s more” and there always is

@KimMonte10

Starbucks job interview:

“What’s your name?”

“Alyssa”

“Spell that please”

“L A R I S S A”

“When can you start?”

@FilthyRichmond

Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)

@bazecraze

It’s only been a few days, but I’m starting to forget everything I knew about Mitch Romley.

@zoevsuniverse

Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight?
7yo: 100
Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6
7yo (thinking): 30

@isabelzawtun

Facebook 2007: are you a teenager who wants to find out if your crush is single?

Facebook 2017: are you an aunt who wants revenge

@Darlainky

Will I be able to follow Children of the Corn if I didn’t see the prequels, Babies of the Corn and Toddlers of the Corn?

@TheBoydP

What’s it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?

Wishful thinking. Obviously