Finding Nemo. Grilling Nemo. Eating Nemo.
do you ever get a series of sharp pains like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re viciously stabbing it? no? how about now?
You Might Also Like
The most disappointing sentence in the human language is “This next song is off of our new album”.
LIFE HACK: A pancake makes a great and edible mouse pad.
*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*
JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt?
MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That’s correct.
If you subtract all the sex robots those NASA nerds built, the moon landing only cost like eighty dollars.
“Let’s do 5 sets of squats & then try lifting for an hour. It looks like you got out of shape after your dad died” ~ Really personal trainer
ME: Ha ha bro why is your wife named Purse Phone?
HADES: That isnt… thats not how you say it
There is no doubt in my mind, I would trade my ovaries for another liver.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn’t act the way he wanted.