@DanMentos

“do you know why I pulled one over on you?”
becau- wait what?
“I’m not a real cop lol”
haha nice!
*pulls gun* “I am taking your car though”

You Might Also Like

@Home_Halfway

Loudest noises in the world:

5. Fireworks
4. Motorcycles
3. Gunfire
2. Rockets
1. Your shampoo bottle falling in the shower

@tsm560

I hate when I mix my metaphors and all hell breaks wind.

@AmishPornStar1

“Eat right and exercise?!?…

I dunno…seems like some kind of a scam, Doc.”

@thedad

Me as a kid: when I’m an adult I’m gonna stay up all night and eat whatever I want

Me as an adult: If I don’t finish this glass of water and get to bed by 9 I will die

@MrEd_EVH

I’m gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it

@behindyourback

the children’s version of “The Catcher In The Rye” is called “My Little Phony”

@junejuly12

Positive I heard an audible gasp from my car as I drove past the wine store