@Home_Halfway
Loudest noises in the world:
5. Fireworks
4. Motorcycles
3. Gunfire
2. Rockets
1. Your shampoo bottle falling in the shower
@DanMentos
“do you know why I pulled one over on you?”
becau- wait what?
“I’m not a real cop lol”
haha nice!
*pulls gun* “I am taking your car though”
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@Home_Halfway
@tsm560
I hate when I mix my metaphors and all hell breaks wind.
@AmishPornStar1
“Eat right and exercise?!?…
I dunno…seems like some kind of a scam, Doc.”
@NickBossRoss
Legally, you don’t actually have to ever stop screaming.
@thedad
Me as a kid: when I’m an adult I’m gonna stay up all night and eat whatever I want
Me as an adult: If I don’t finish this glass of water and get to bed by 9 I will die
@ItsAndyRyan
Are you watching Point Break or The Fast and the Furious?
@hahildebrand
The 6 types of sex
@MrEd_EVH
I’m gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it
@behindyourback
the children’s version of “The Catcher In The Rye” is called “My Little Phony”
@junejuly12
Positive I heard an audible gasp from my car as I drove past the wine store