I get a kick out of people who think because I make Americana music I’m supposed to dress like a damn horse repairman or some shit
Do you like vampires?
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ME: you’re acting strange what’s wrong
HER: oh I think I have a stomach bug
ME: ᵀᴱᴸᴸ ᴹᴱ ᴹᴼᴿᴱ ᴮᵁᵀ ᵂᴿᴵᵀᴱ ᴵᵀ ᴰᴼᵂᴺ ˢᴼ ᵀᴴᴱʸ ᴰᴼᴺᵀ ᴴᴱᴬᴿ
This is everything
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
You have to sit up to drink coffee in bed. I know that now.
Me: I love you so much
Calories: I love you more
I’m a single dad of 2 pre-teens so naturally at times there are talks of running away; but I don’t
You wanna hot body?
You wanna Bugatti?
You wanna Maseratti?
Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears.
23rd Century Scientist: We’re sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission.
Henry Ford: Yes, sir.
Can’t wait to still not buy toilet paper after all this is over.