@tropicalenvy: Do you people like your catfish battered and deep fried?
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@Crunk_Jews: Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid.
@rockymomax: WIFE: [holding newborn baby] Ive never been so proud of anything in my life ME:[thinking about that one time I drew a perfect giraffe] same
@yoyoha: Just heard they're investigating a slaughterhouse in California for animal cruelty. IT'S A SLAUGHTERHOUSE
@TheBoydP: Big props to the guy who realized we don’t need to mention air in the word airplane and started saying plane.