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@TheToddWilliams: "Do you want the latest dirt?"
-No, but I appreciate the sediment.
@hippieswordfish: CARTOON VILLAIN: how did you know it was me who robbed the bank
COP: you were literally carrying around giant bags with dollar signs on them
@YesItsAl: My daughter knows what a meth lab is thanks to an episode of The Simpsons.
At least that's what I had to tell child services just now.
@iggigg: this has done me in for some reason
@rcromwell4: Hell yeah I wanna save a draft of that unaddressed email with nothing in the body.
@Only_Fast_Eddie: Some women have mood swings... others have mood theme parks.