@SvnSxty

Doc: So where’d you get your stage name?

Prince Charming: This is my real name

Doc: Right

Grumpy: Sounds legit *rolls eyes*

Prince Charming: You doubt me? I saved your beloved Snow White!

Doc: You made out with an unconscious lady

Prince Charming:

Grumpy: Charming indeed

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@neiltyson

What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there’s more sunlight

@4SLars

PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.

@Love_bug1016

therapist: and what did we say you should do when you’re feeling upset?

me: order a large pizza and eat it in the shower while thinking of ways to avenge those who hurt me

therapist: no

@rage_chaos

I’m not paranoid, but I feel like there’s someone reading this…

@hippieswordfish

ME: so basically it’s like the batsignal except it’s the golden arches so you know when the mcrib is back
SANTA: please get off my lap

@KKAlThani

Owls always look like they’ve just found out that they’ve been cheated on.

@thepunningman

Oil the single ladies
Oil the single ladies
Oil the single ladies
Oil the single ladies
If you liked it then you should have put a rig on it