We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@nicky_prada: Doctor: "Are you sexually active?"
Me: "I'm not even physically active"
@its_cmillz6: Uber eats:
Service fee: $4
Delivery fee: $9
@PoorEvelyn: Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles.
Diets are hard.
@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
@mommywhitfield: *Toddler walks up, kisses my knee, turns away*
"Aw! Aren't you sweet?"
*Toddler kisses refrigerator, cabinet door and dishwasher*
@bees_wingz: I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay.