I can’t stand this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you’re coming to my room.
Doctor: “How many fingers am I holding up?”
Ian: “err… 13…”
Doc: “Yeah. Some of these are yours. You’ve been in a serious accident.”
You Might Also Like
HOT KRAFT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CAN’T WAIT TO BE MELTED BETWEEN TWO SLICES OF BREAD!!!
I’m in AAAAA, so I get my tires changed by recovering alcoholics.
I bet that at some point in history a baby ate a dingo.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
No, I’m not telling my wife the reason we need a new blender is because I didn’t remove the pit from the avocado, that’s between us.
Help 9-1-1! I just found my husband! He’s been drugged in his coffee and then stabbed with a pen knife but that didn’t work and then shot!
Eventually we’ll all just have one app on our phones that electrocutes you when you stop looking at it.
bae is acting so cute and imaginary tonight
My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn’t do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..