@man_spach It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
@stephenjmolloy Doctor: “How many fingers am I holding up?”
Ian: “err… 13…”
Doc: “Yeah. Some of these are yours. You’ve been in a serious accident.”
You Might Also Like
@man_spach 
@johnbiehl Enrique Iglesias wants to
1. Be your hero
2. Kiss away your pain
3. Stand by you forever
Enrique Iglesias is your mother
@BuckyIsotope WARDEN: any last words
ME: come closer
WARDEN: *leans down* yes?
ME: *whispering* never gonna give you up never gonna let you down
@Eden_Eats Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I’m reading?
@TheHeartlessBoy Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.
@Tmoney68 If really good-looking people are “eye candy” I guess that puts me somewhere around the “eye broccoli” category.
@SortaBad i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck
@_xLNc “Here, throw this away for me.” ~ People who hand out leaflets.
@hurlarious I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I’m on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I’m famous
@VibesBummer Just saw a squirrel wipe down a peanut he took from my hand.