Grandma, what big eyes you have!
thyroid actin’ up
What big ears you have!
What big teeth!
receding gums, look I’m just old ok
Doctor: Im sorry but your condition has become quite acute…
Me: I think your pretty acute yourself *winks*
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the inventor of archery: man i wanna stab that guy over there
Okay. What I don’t get is, is dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from your amusement park actually illegal? Just because some teenagers and a dog say so?
Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!
Thanks a lot Apple, for calling 7 inches a mini.
her: this is nice, i was worried you’d turn out to be weird or something
me: i lost my virginity on a ghost pirate ship
her: ah there it is
Yoda: *dies and fades away*
Luke: Thank God. I was so sick of his backward talking.
Ghost Yoda: Heard that, I did.
I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile.
Every time I eat a cookie in bed, I imagine it screaming “I’M GONNA CRUMB” because I have something wrong with me
Bro Transformers are real! Haven’t you seen a big truck or a camaro? They are real. They just hide real good like chewbacca. And batman.