Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama.
DOCTOR: Im sorry, I can’t see you right now
ME: [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol that is so awesome
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Me: Haven’t shaved for two days. Do I look like McDreamy?
Wife: You look like McHomeless.
I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
I wouldn’t say my husband and I are competitive but we do play a very cutthroat version of name that tune anytime a song comes on.
Just told my kids they had to share. Now they are dressed in long blacks wigs singing if I could turn back time.
Sometimes I say, “Damn you to hell” after someone sneezes, just to mix it up a bit.
I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn’t starving!
“Hi there. So what do you do?”
“DO YOU HAVE ANY SPEED OR WHAT?”
I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that’s totally fine, and science shouldn’t stop her.
I’m at my most NASCAR driver when I really have to pee.