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@ThugRaccoons: Doctor: Please step on the scale
Me: No weigh
@SortaBad: *loses faith in humanity*
"this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"
@meganamram: I'm a real gym rat (i go there at night and eat their garbage)
@Schmoodles: A WASP LANDED ON MY BARE FOOT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO RIVERDANCE.
@ThatRascalPuff: No need to write it down, I've a photographic memory
*looks hard af*
@abbycohenwl: Bring an urn speed dating.
Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, "I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"