My counselor told me that conquering my fears would end my depression, so here I am, depressed, but at the top of a mountain
doctor: take it easy on your joints from now on
me: [talking to my blunt] i’m sorry I called you fat
You Might Also Like
So much to do right now
*cracks open beer*
So much to do tomorrow
Henchman: boss I need to take Thursday and Friday off
Mob Boss: ok but please have all your crimes done by Wednesday end of day
“I’m really into roll playing,” I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
him: you’re not like most women
me: is it because I’ll eat an entire pizza, the fries in your hand, and a small village on a first date?
I think Titanic is fake because, how do they record it when they are all dieing in the water?
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary:
1) There are 1’s and 0’s
10) There are no 2’s
My boss is basically Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Deceitful, selfish, conniving, wears too much make up, is an octopus.
Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives.
Danny Zuko: I got chills, they’re multiplying…
Sandy: Gross. You probably have a stomach bug.