@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
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@heelyfanaccount: her: i’m in a sorority me trying to impress her: *nervous* oh really i’m uh- i’m in a frat her: is it kappa sig me: *visibly sweating, has already forgotten what she said* ya im in peppa pig
@JohnLyonTweets: Seriously? Nothing in the waiting room but Highlights magazine? [I get called in 10 minutes later] Hold on, let me finish this article.
@BoozyMusic: "Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation." -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip