LITTLE JOHN: Go through it one more time for me
ROBIN HOOD: Ok…we rob from the rich…
LITTLE JOHN: Right
ROBIN HOOD: …and we give to the poor
LITTLE JOHN: And then we rob them
ROBIN HOOD: What? No! Why would we do that?
LITTLE JOHN: Cause now they rich.
Doctor: “Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!”
Kate: “I’m pregnant?!”
Doctor: “No. You have a tapeworm.”
You Might Also Like
We’ve run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops.
Very sad to hear about Donald Trump. Nothing happened to him I’m just sad to hear about him
Me: on my way over
Friend: u okay?
M: my husband used the guest towels
F: OMG! i’ll open wine
“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
cashier: how’d you like to pay for this
me: not at all
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need “lives” as if I didn’t already know that.
FRIEND: Women want guys who take charge
WAITER: [to date] Ready to-
ME: [shoves waiter and grabs notepad] Ready to order?
Wow, the looks I am getting! Guess I could have paid w/ 1 check.
i can’t believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die