@notacroc

DOCTOR: what were you thinking? He had a sword.

ME: *bleeding everywhere, clutching my favorite pen* that’s not how it’s supposed to work

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@TheCleftonTwain

WHAT ARE WE?

Writers!

WHAT ARE WE WRITING?

Snacks!

WAIT, WHAT?

Snacks first, THEN writing!

No, wait, coffee/tea too!

Maybe a nap beforehand!

THEN WRITING?

No, then Twitter

THEN WRITING!

Too late! Time for bed! Writing tomorrow

#amwriting
#writerslife
#writingcommunity

@Darlainky

A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, “Well, we were separated at birth.”

@MsCarlissima

To convince my boss that I’m keeping busy, I periodically yell “YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?” into my phone, then slam down the receiver.

@heyitsJudeD

Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat….

Not as easy as it looks is it?

@chuuew

MUGGER: Empty your pockets

ME: Do I have to?

MUGGER: NOW

ME: [pulls out heart locket with pic of robber inside]

MUGGER: [wipes away single tear with his knife]

@SteveSuckington

A letter to Paul from the Corinthians: Hey sup Paul. This is the Corinthians. This is my new number

@IamEveryDayPpl

I haven’t worn corduroy since that time I almost died in a fire chasing the ice cream man…

@aveuaskew

Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.

@HatfieldAnne

Did I tell you about the time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose? No? One time I knocked down a kid with my bag on purpose.