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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "You have a hip injury."
Me: "I am very trendy."
@OneFunnyMummy: Maybe mama duck isn't leading her babies, maybe she's trying to outrun them.
@ariscott: [Day after Xmas]
7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me
9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast
@Kim_pulsive: My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it
@bgirl314: Him: You smell good...what are you wearing?
@christinaloca: When Siri has her period she uses an iPad.
I hate myself.