Doctor: “You have acute appendicitis.”
Me: *blushing* “Oh you. I bet you say that to all your patients.”
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me: mom i like this person from twitter
mom: TWITTER IS LIKE CRAIGSLIST YOU THINK YOURE BUYING USED BOWLING SHOES AND YOU WIND UP DEAD
Our landline rang today and all three of our kids got confused and went outside because they thought a fire alarm was going off.
Secretly Canadians love it when people mistake them for Amer-
*is decapitated by a hockey stick*
I was told that I could have anything as long as I applied myself, but the loan officer at my bank begs to differ.
screaming until I turn this migraine into an us-graine 😉
MySpace just bought a pack of Ramen noodles.
Handing out samples at Costco:
“These are mini hand sanitizer/toilet paper sandwiches, they’re really popular right now”
DATE’S FATHER: What business do you have with my daughter
ME: Oh this isn’t a work thing, we’re gonna watch a movie and smooch all night
“Your word is stupid”
ME: Well give me a different one then
“No, that’s your word…stupid”
ME: Maybe you’re the stupid one