“i can’t go because of coronavirus”
“i’ve sworn an oath of solitude til the blight is purged from these lands”
– heroic, valiant
– they will assume you have a sword
– impossible to check if you really have a sword because of coronavirus
“I’m feeling a lump here. Here’s another. You have several lumps.”
-uh oh, what does that mean doc?
“it means you’re fat”
You Might Also Like
looking for a new pillow and came across these ones that look like you just opened your own head that was shipped to you in protective styrofoam
My phone just autocorrected “Haha” to “Jaja” so I guess I’m Mexican now.
Slot twist: That USB drive goes in the other way. Turn it over
I’d jump in front of a gently tossed beach ball for you.
I’m glad nothing I own was made with my own two hands because I really like having hands.
I’m lost at Costco but everyone here looks like my dad. Just gonna pick the one with the best groceries and start a new life I guess.
Question. How much fire is too much fire for your house to be on.
My favorite Bible story is when Jesus feeds the multitudes after administering a drug test to make sure they deserve food.
Me (on phone): Okay, I’ll ask. (to date) My mom wants to know if you can drive me home.