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@Poutymcgee: Doe. A deer. A female deer.
Ray. My creepy Uncle's naaaame.
@ElgatoEsmio: i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand
@lanyardigan: Most of us get into advertising for the money. Me? I've just always had a passion for making people feel bad
@ShutUpThatsWho: [texting my wife from the barber]
WIFE: where are you?
ME: just getting my hair cut
WIFE: ok. send me a picture of it when you're done
@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
@Peachyisk: Due to recent cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.