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@Poutymcgee: Doe. A deer. A female deer.
Ray. My creepy Uncle's naaaame.
@joejwest: ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair
ME: [drinks from toilet like dog]
YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses
@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"
@fatguythe: Hid my daughters ipod in my other daughters room cause they've been getting along lately and there's nothing on tv tonight.
@theshamingofjay: I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
@themiltron: [first day as a server]
me: how would u like your steak
person: well done
me: thank you that's so kind it's my first day & i'm very nervous