Does anyone remember that annoying song Barbie Girl by Aqua?

You do now.

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You could eat off the floor in this bathroom, but that’s just a euphemism. We have a dining room.


Nature fact: The female cat gives birth to the body and head of her kittens separately and has to screw the head in like a lightbulb.


*sees cute baby*
Everyone: omg I want one

My ovaries, taking a drag of a cigarette: ya’ll hear something?


People are like plastic bags: Some are meant to fly, some have holes — but are still useful — and, well, others are full of dog shit.


When life gives you lemons…..

Facebook makes lemonade.
Twitter Makes Martinis.


“Daddy, how do you spell Budweiser?”


“I’m drawing a picture of you for school.”

“Cool! It’s spelled G-A-T-O-R-A-D-E.”


Started a karate club for people who don’t know karate we just do moves we see in movies lemme know if you’re interested old ppl are welcome


Pretty sure the guy who named them “walkie talkies” got fired before he could name other military equipment.