Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on ‘Once Upon A Christmas’? Isn’t that a form of cannibalism?

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No one gets more scared than the kid that makes their younger sibling cry while mom is in the other room.


[spooky noise comes from my closet]
monster under my bed: you heard that too right


Dog: [Barks at the mailman]
Human: Bad dog.
Dog: [Turns to the camera] My human hates bills, yet gets mad when I try to scare the guy off.


Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day


David Hasselhoff saves money on tailored shirts by not ordering the first 5 buttons.


deer diary:

day 67 at hugwerts skool uv wezirdry nd none uv teh studints hav noticd dat my wahnd is an slim jim.


A) I don’t care who is stalking my twitter
B) I don’t care who is saying terrible things about me
C) I don’t care – OH! Free iPad??? *click*


Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.


The goldfish was a little sick so I dripped some steroids in her bowl and now everything is hunky dory.