CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems???
GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation???
USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA
Does racism still exist? Let’s go to this panel of white people to find out.
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When coining nicknames, be sure it reflects how that person has impacted your life. For example, my two sons Buzzkill and Third Mortgage.
When the sperm and the egg really love each other, they get a womb.
We will all sleep a lot better if someone tells us the nuke passcode requires spelling.
Out of all the children’s stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How’s someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh
Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder.
Mark Ruffalo is the name you could most likely teach a dog to say.
Too tall: “How’s the weather up there?”
Too short: “How’s the weather down there?”
Average height: “I am cursed to rely on others to know what the weather is like”
*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I’ve been*
Trainer: I don’t think you’re taking this workout seriously, bro
Me: How dare you say that?
T: Dude, you just cracked a beer
Me: *takes sip*