*does something weird*

*looks around for witnesses*

*sees no one*

*does something weird, LOUDER*

You Might Also Like


ACTORS: It’s easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says “Did you see that?” say “Nope”.


I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere


A man threatened legal action when he discovered that instead of a staff member ordering him in Candyman: the horror film, they ordered in the CD single of Candy Man by Christina Aguilera


Date: So… Tinder, huh?
Me: Yup.
Date: …
Me: This is kind of awkward.
Date: Maybe we should’ve used real pictures.
Me: You think so, MOM?


If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet


Friend “Listen to this. I had wine delivered the other night and I ended up having sex with the delivery guy”

Me “There’s WINE delivery?”


My 3-year-old was supposed to dress up as a star for the Christmas pageant.

She threw a fit and demanded a different costume.

Now there are three wise men and one Power Ranger.


Find a penny
Pick it up
& all the day
You’ll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection …


I’ve been watching the Crime Investigation channel all day. Murder just seems like the easiest way to solve your problems.


If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.