@jctwritesstuff

*does the Dirty Dancing lift with a slab of ribs*

*does the Dirty Dancing lift with a slab of ribs*

- @jctwritesstuff

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@KimmyMonte

if Disney has taught us anything it’s that if you’re a girl who reads books, you will eventually fall in love with a water buffalo

@sarcasticmommy4

I don’t know who needs to see this but don’t ever answer your phone on your way home from work. They want you to stop at the store.

@EndhooS

Deer: I have a proposal for you
Rabbit: I’m all ears
Deer: HAHA I get it, cuz of the whole big ears thing
Rabbit: That’s pretty hurtful Jeff

@mstern68

I was a fantastic parent right up until I had kids of my own.

@Jerrypleasure

my grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say “at this age i can’t handle the responsibility of being a spiderman”

@STACEYNIGHTMARE

Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me.

@putyoursisterd1

Me in HR: I wasn’t trying to be condescending… It’s just that the boss didn’t understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.

@Darlainky

Friend: Oh my God, I just can’t explain how he makes me feel. He just has this way with me. It’s just so…magical.
Me: You’re literally paying him for that and technically hypnosis is not magic.

@KKBowls

[at my house after 1st date]

me: so, do you wanna have some sex?

her: well, I don’t normally do this…but I think I’ll pass

@fro_vo

Teacher: remember class, there are no stupid questions
Me: *raises hand*
Teacher: i just said, no stupid questions
Me: *lowers hand*