where’s Godzilla when we need him
DOG 911: What’s ur emer-
DOG: OWNER IS CATCHIN POKEMON
DOG 911: So
DOG: HE’S THROWING BALLS BUT I CAN’T FIND THEM
DOG 911: OMG
You Might Also Like
Please stop telling dirty jokes at the office. It’s inappropriate, and you’re talking too softly for me to hear the punchlines.
LOL, Investigation Discovery, for assuming your victim was murdered at night just because she’s wearing pajamas.
15: ‘I think the Wi-Fi is out again.’
Me: ‘Hey – what a great opportunity to go outside and enjoy some fresh-‘
15: ‘It’s back.’
Me: ‘Good talk.’
“Pray, love, eat.” — A mantis
me: [raises hand]
my date: again, that’s not necessary
I don’t care how many stars this restaurant has, I’m ordering the grilled cheese sandwich
Her: so what do you do for fu..
Me: I’M 34 IF YOU DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME I’M STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND A MATE
Person: Raise your glasses!
Me: Hahaha! *raises bottle*
18 is TOO young to get married!
You can’t even buy booze at 18!
If you can’t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?