“Dog Detective, how can I help you?”
MY PERSON THREW THE BALL AND I CAN’T FIND IT
“Did you check his hand?”
NO HE THREW IT ALR… oh wait
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BARTENDER: what can i get you
MOTH: gimme a bug light
Guys, don’t ever tell a girl that she’s yummier than a gummy bear, she’ll know it’s not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.
To claim your prize, create an account and password.
Ugh this will take forever, nevermind.
I’m going to give guided tours of my house, pointing out all the things I tried to fix.
Me: *folding a fitted sheet*
Things that are terrifying:
A snake on my hike
My 3yo saying: ‘member your dark red lipstick that I like to draw with?
Pandas are seen as useless because they lack energy, they don’t have sex and they have extremely poor diets. I am basically a panda.
Who wore it best? #Oscars2015
My uncle Paul does great bird impressions,
He eats worms.