Dog: I like pizza. Me: You’ve never had pizza. Dog: It’s food. Me: So? Dog: So I like it. Me: I’m not giving you my pizza.
You Might Also Like
I’ve learned that you can buy a kitten with no problem, but you have to come back at a different time to buy the juicer.
Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
I’m now starting to think CNN took the plane.
I cleaned the whole house by myself and even though my husband said he’d help me vacuum he forgot and I didn’t remind him because I’ll need some ammunition next time we fight and I’m wrong
“Um, thanks?” -A woman who posed for a Picasso painting
Nelly: it’s getting hot in here
me: no it’s not
Nelly: [taking off all his clothes] it is
me: you have a fever
ME: *gets slapped in the face by a small reptile*
“And that’s for being a jerk to your wife!”
~ Karma Chameleon
“Paper or plastic?”
I don’t know. How can anyone really know?
What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That’s certainly something to think about, but not during sex.