Everyone who works in customer service should legally be allowed to fight one customer a year.
[dog on trial for murder]
lawyer: who’s a good boy?
dog: I am
lawyer: your honor I rest my case
You Might Also Like
I’ve been avoiding the news like crazy. We could’ve landed on the Moon this morning for all I know.
I wanted a 6 pack, so I started Hip Hop abs.
Quit 1/3 of the way through.
Ended up with a 2Pac.
The rumor that I’m secretly creating a zombie apocalypse to generate demand for flamethrowers is completely false
When I was younger, I always wanted to become a Gregorian monk.
Unfortunately, I never had the chants
why call it a “pork medallion” instead of a Hamulet
Me (to stock boy): Tell the manager there’s a mess in Aisle 6
Me: I really appreciate this, I’ve just been really lonel-
Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated
*personally visits the 7 friends who continually trap me in a rather chatty text message group & punches each of them in the face*
[Bags packed, leaving the ex]
Ex:”I hope you have a slow and painful death!”
Me:”So now you want me to stay?”