@xLiserx

Dog Park
Kid: What’s his name?
Me: Dorito. He’s a therapy taco. Don’t pet him.
Kid:*Throws Ball*
Taco:*Chases it. Lettuce flies everywhere*

You Might Also Like

@kharizzmaaa

Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who told me “I could fall out at home” when I asked for Fall Out Boy tickets at age 14

@CrockettForReal

Parents out there naming their kids things like, Montana and Carolina and Dakota, but you never see anyone with the balls to name their kid, Idaho

@climaxximus

“bro it doesn’t work like a boomerang”

-my friend before getting knocked out by a flying croissant

@jazmasta

I’m not crying. I’m just watering my moustache.

@HenpeckedHal

I bought my mother-in-law a pair of ankle weights for her workouts. She’s proven to be a much stronger swimmer than I’d imagined.

@Bob_Janke

[second date]

Me: so… is this your first police chase?

@briancthayer

Wanna up the awkward while standing in line? Turn around while you wait.

@brennadine

It’s my favorite time of year, the time when everyone puts their clothes back on and goes inside.

@AnkCoupleTO

Newlyweds: Our love will be strong & unapologetic

[3 months later]

Him: How many bottles of shampoo do you need?
Her: I fake it every time