@AndyAsAdjective: Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.
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@ReelQuinn: A shoemaker called yesterday and yelled at me because I hadn’t picked up the boots he repaired. It’s been one week. He said they’ve been there since October. (They haven’t.) I said, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” He said he yelled at all his customers.
@InternetHippo: Me for many years: I wish my friends were interested in politics Now that all my friends are interested in politics: Oh this sucks actually
@GibJimson: Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs? Me: You mean like the band?