Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm “NO.”
Dog (wearing headset):
So when I realized I didn’t *have* to fetch the ball, the power dynamic between me and my human shifted dramatically.
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I’m working on a movie about the life of Pennywise the clown after he quits killing kids to pursue a career in sticky notes called: Post-It
Never call it a guest room.
That’s just asking for trouble.
Me: please don’t tell my dad you’re a politician
My dad: so what do you do?
Him: I get paid to lie to people
If the conversation gets too serious take your pants off.
A mongoose is just a goose who listens to reggae
Mmmh, the wetness…don’t stop, harder, oh god yes, more fingers…I love the way you rub my head.
–me, getting a shampoo at the salon
My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I’m going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
That lamp looks PISSED.
Dude that’s not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard