@HomeProbably: Dogs look like they’ve received some really sad news when they watch you eat.
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@: [first date with woman who has a kid] HER: i'm a single mom ME: yeah no shit, how many moms did you think i thought you were
@katy_baybay: I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.
@Love_bug1016: [trying to impress date] Him: I want someone who's not afraid of a little PDA. Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*
@MissSassy_Pants: My alarm went off way too early today. I tried hitting the snooze button but as it turns out - my kid bites.