@KKAlThani
@markydoodoo [CREATING GROUNDHOGS]
GOD: a rat dog
ANGEL: check
GOD: that whispers to white people
ANGEL: what?
GOD: about the weather
ANGEL:
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@markydoodoo 
@kingsleyyy Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?
@amydillon All these people casually jogging down the street, and then me, looking like I’m trying to pull an invisible dog sled.
@andlikelaura Killer: come out come out wherever you are
Me: *hiding*
Killer: omg what a cute puppy!
Me: *jumps out* i wanna see the pup…oh man
@AllyBallyBeal Do not mess with bears. You’ll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes? That’s right – a victim
@Holy_Mowgli ROBBER: is this all the cash?
CASHIER: yes but would you like to donate $1 to charity
ROBBER [tears welling up inside his ski mask]: ok
@andiedandie0 Just realized my undies are on inside out .. Was gonna change them around . but I figured let the other side get sum action for a change .
@rachelle_mandik artificial flowers are properly known as “flower decoys”; learn some flower calls, then use the decoys to attract and kill real flowers
@fro_vo Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job
Me: *already asleep on a folding chair*
Interviewer: hang on u don’t start til monday